Lots of my friends that are in relationships have been with their partner for years. When we get together for dinner or drinks, we inevitably start talking at one point or another about my love life.
Inevitably, they all start lamenting about how fun being single is. And to a certain extent they are right- you don’t know what is around the corner. Just like that- things can change. A chance meeting can lead to an amazing fling. An evening out with friends can lead to a good old dirty snog in the corner of a club with a Ryan Gosling look a like. You can swipe with a God like adonis on tinder and flirt your little boy tits off. And events like this to outsiders seem so incredibly fun! And enviable.
I think they like the fact that in your single world things can change so quickly. When I am with them, hearing that they visited Ikea together on a hectic Saturday, and rowed the whole way around I do have to agree with them. Being single isn’t all bad. I do get to go on some amazing dates, with some amazing men. I have some killer first date outfits. I get some text messages that just make me smile all day. And, don’t even get me started about the butterflies - I swear drug dealers should bottle them up and sell them on the street- they are infectious. ( And great as a slimming aid- food seems so unimportant when you’ve got butterflies about a man!)
But, my god, my shacked up gorgeous friends don’t see the dark world of dating. The waiting. The miscommunication. The feeling he doesn’t like you anymore and has got a new play thing. The evenings spent alone when the date doesn’t happen for the third time- plans are not plans in the dating world. Sacking off happen to us. ALL. THE. TIME. Couple friends don’t see the literal sobbing into your pillow, crazy crying nights. All dressed up nowhere to go. The waking up the morning after, alone, to see not even a little emoji whatsapp from him which shows he has been thinking about you.
Dating can, at times, be all about the rain clouds. The rain clouds, storms and hurricanes of disappointment. Of hurt. Of licking your wounds. These storms bring with them the feeling you want to text him telling him how disappointed you feel, or how upset his depiction of you has made you. The storm clouds shower over you waves of sadness that maybe this person hasn’t been as honest as you.
We keep these storms and lows shielded from people in relationships. Because, actually these rain clouds aren’t nice – they are embarrassing for you, and they show that dating isn’t nice, nor is it sunshine all year around. Many of your single friends can sympathise, but they can’t truly empathise with how you feel. They don’t feel the rain like you do.
But, I like to remember, in the single world, the rain passes- it may rain for only a few hours, or a few days, occasionally a few weeks. But, but, but – the sun comes back. And it seems even better. It brings with it little fledglings of hope and fun. The sun dries the rain until you can’t even remember it.
The sun makes you realise everything will be ok. You emerge just fine. Still you. The rain clouds part, you dry your eyes, you see the light and realise- I can do this. I am going to be fine.
Know what you bring to the table, so don’t be afraid to eat alone.
Slather on the sunscreen, put on your best pair of hotpants, some red lippy and know in your heart that life goes up, life goes down, but you’re kinda fab, and no man is going to tell you otherwise. Now, who is for a pool party in the sun??