Dating tips 101 says you should date someone who has the same hobbies as you; but truth be told, men in onesies freak me the hell out, and I have yet to find a man who lists “memorizing celebrity baby names” as his main hobby. So, how do I pick up men? Well. I head to my gym. Or ‘fitness centre’ if we are being posh.
For there, amongst the sea of chicken legs, toxic body odour that makes you gag, gym perverts, and old men wearing cycling shorts, you can sometimes stumble upon a gem. A gem with a shit hot bod, and the strength to throw you around a bit. Think a real life Thor; Sex lines deeper than the lines on your brow. Chiselled abs, carved by the Gods. Toned arms who can hold millions of shopping bags. Shoulders that just look fit, and toned. And, V backs that are broad, and tailor into a hot little waist….. ( excuse me for a second please. just got a bit too excited)
Anyway- where was ? Yes I remember. All of my ex boyfriends have been men I have met in the gym. We started with a smile, a smile led to a chat, and then a date… and then a relationship, and then a breakup. But, let’s just focus on the positive bits for the time being.
Follow these tips and I guarantee you will have Mr Hot Trainers number in no time. FYI I let them think they have picked me up, but it is all me. I have a little look, I select and then I plan. So let’s get you perusing, selecting and planning!
1. Make friends with the weight section. Gone are the days where we spend the whole time on the cross trainer. Women lift. Women squat. Not only will the weights section be better for your body, it will be better for your love life. I can count on one finger men that do cardio, and his name is Mo Farrah. We don’t want Mo Farrah ladies. To bag a Thor, you gotta head to the dark side. The weights section.
2. Bag some free personal training. There are people in and around the gym that can help you – not only sculpt your body, but bag a hot guy by looking like you know you’re shit. During personal training men will be looking at you. After personal training men will approach you by saying- “jeeez he beasted you. You are a machine”. ( conversation opener right there)- and the better you look, the more confidence you will have.
3. In the weights section ditch your earphones. For the love of god ditch them. Earphones scream “please piss off I am in a zone”. I am in a zone does not leave an opening for men to approach. Make it a bit easier at least freeing up your ears.
4. Take your time getting your water. Don’t be in a rush to leave this prime talking area. Pour, and sip. Pour a bit more, and then sip. If you have a potential admirer he will see you are at the water fountain, finish his set and come over.
5. Don’t bury your head in your phone between sets. Use these 30 seconds off to look at people and smile. Everything starts with a smile. Unless you have no teeth in which case perhaps everything for you doesn’t start with a smile.
6. Look fit. If you want to bag a hotty he will not want to see you are working out in your crusty old Asda white bra and converse. Invest in some Nike’s and cage the titties in some nice gym gear. At least pretend you are not just there to bag a guy.
7. Stalk. Ok a frowned upon one here but look at what they are doing and as they are making their way to the next bit of equipment jump in there first. Be cooooool. Not weird here. Or in between his sets, ask if you can jump in and do a quick set. Anything to start a bit of conversation. This can look weird to them though so beware.
8. Make friends with the staff. Regular gym boys are known by the staff. Make friends with the lady on reception- she could be your most valuable asset in operation bag gym hotty. ( FYI it is strictly illegal but she might even look on the database for his information for you! You did not hear that from me).
9. Go to the gym at single times. Men with girlfriends don’t go late. Men with girlfriends bosh out a gym session quickly after work because they want to head home to their girlfriend. BLAH BLAH. Go at quieter times and it will be less meat market, more sophisticated shopping experience.
10. Finally don’t be in a rush to leave the gym. Does you gym have a coffee area? Or a pool? If so, hang out there! And if you are reallllllly lucky you might just get to see your gym crush in just some shorts.
And finally – how about just giving a compliment to him….? My favourites are- “You are working out hard, you look great!” Or ” You are here nearly as much as me!” Or finally “It never get’s easier does it”.
So, who is off to the gym tonight…? Let me know!