By the time you read this, I will be on a date. With an attractive man. He is a tall man – I like this. He has taken the time to grow. That is attractive. But he didn’t just stop there. Not just content with being tall, he is also dark. Dark is hot. But not just that- it gets better. Much better. He has a sodding beard. See previous 3000 posts where I have ordained that I love a beard.
He is a triple threat of hotness. He is like, one of the High School Musical cast who can sing, dance and act ( they can act, stop being mean.) He is totally a catch. And he is cool. And he makes me laugh. Annnnd even typing this I feel sick with nerves. ( For the record my mum isn’t so keen. She says he looks a bit criminally – EVEN better. He is a quadruple threat.)
Now call me old-fashioned but I don’t like going on dates with people I deem attractive. I already know I won’t be myself tonight. (If you are reading this tonight at approximately 8.30pm you can pretty much guarantee I will be sitting in the darker of the two seats in the pub, silent, pretending to listen to some story he is talking about, but actually just thinking – Oh my god, you are so damn fine I want to spread you on my toast.)
I am a mess today. All nerves, sighing, and freaking out. I even made my friend ask on her facebook – how do you kiss guys with beards? ( I am worried about getting it in my mouth- I like a beard but I am now worrying whether I have seen one in real life) ( and yes I am presuming that we will kiss. )
The problem that I have with this guy, is that we have spoken already. For 2 hours. And we got on. Ohhhh sounds good, I hear you cry. What are you complaining about? Well 1. I will always complain. Deal with it. 2. This has causes pressure. We have already done the polite chit chat on the phone that you generally talk about on first dates. So what now? What on earth will we talk about? All I can think about is spreading him on my toast.
I knew something was wrong when I woke up today. I felt funny in my tummy. And I woke up naturally. This never happens. Usually the alarm has to literally chime for a good 12 repeats before I stir. But today, I bolted awake. My tummy felt all bubbly. At first I thought- Ohhh you are hungry Laurie. The bubbles are hunger bubbles. I cannot remember what feeling hungry looks like. I graze and eat all of the time. I think it was about 1910 when my stomach last rumbled.
So I downed a fry up, but this didn’t cure it. And then I realised. I am nervous. These bubbles are nerve bubbles. Over the day, and with the date counting down the other symptoms have developed – My throat feels tight- like I am slowly dying. My lungs feel unable to suck in enough air- I am only breathing at 60% capacity. And I am tapping everything in sight. Like a poor drummer.
Anyway best be off. My palms have also started sweating. Can you antiperspirant your palms to stop the sweat or shall I just rock a leather glove this evening? Tune in tomorrow for the What happened next post?
Spoiler alert- I will probably be in love. He will probably have stood me up, or have blocked my number this time tomorrow. Pray for me kids. x